Financial Analyst for Magazine Megapublisher

What's the one thing you desire most of all? You may think it's money, or power, or even sex, but what you want is someone like me working for you! I'll make you money, empower your budget to do more, and even make your spreadsheets sexy. Yeah, yeah, you've heard it. But I'm no one night stand employee, allow me to tell you why I'm more than just a lot of lip service.

I talk a mean game, but my analytical skills are second to none. I have applied these skills in my vast experience working in the coffee industry as a professional buyer of caramel cappuccinos. You see, in the fourth quarter of 2010 I noticed a sharp decline in disposable income and correctly forecast a bleak future if the caramel cappuccino budgetary discrepancies were not resolved. Anticipating the seasonal spike of caramel cappuccino demand, I made calculated adjustments to the allotted departmental spending. Allow me to illustrate this point with a pie chart.

End of 2010 expenses:

Proposed 2011 budget:


As you can see I've successfully eliminated the unnecessary expenditures (food, drink) in order to accommodate the more vital areas. And by removing the unnecessary component food I have increased the effectiveness of Prada purchases.

I'd like to apply these principles to your business and trim the fat on your operating expenses. Just think how sleek and sexy your company will be with a sharp go-getter like me reigning in the excess. As a financial liaison I'll make spreadsheets that will rock your world, graphs and diagrams that will satiate even the most penny-pinching of corporate executives, and I'll put together PowerPoint presentations that will give your board members goosebumps. That's right, I put the fine in finance.

So let's talk, caramel cappuccinos on me.

Best Regards,
Zack Eliasz

Manager of Sales for a Major Retailer

Are you looking for someone confident, experienced, and personable to increase revenue and establish efficient staff protocols? Of course you are! However, what you may not know is that I'm the person to deliver these results for you. Let me tell you why.

I have outstanding leadership skills. I can lead anyone anywhere. I often convince tourists that I know my way around a neighborhood, even if I don't. Then I usually lead them to somewhere they weren't looking to go and once we get there I convince them that is where they really wanted to go. It may be true that the customer is always right, but management always knows best. And I know how to manage the expectations of those I lead. I also have extensive experience directing sales professionals. I frequent your downtown Chicago store and give clear, detailed, and effective directions for finding the clothes that I'm looking for. And I always get what I want, I have a 100% satisfaction rate with everything that I buy.

But how can I drive sales, and exceed yearly projections? Let me tell you! I used to work in the bread industry as a barista for Cosi, and people often ordered things that I didn't feel like making or would take too long to make. Everybody thinks they want caramel and whipped cream and little bits of chocolate sprinkled on top of their coffee drinks. But deep down I know that every person, every single person, wants a skim vanilla latte. So, I made skim vanilla lattes for everyone. And I know you think you know where this story is going, but prepare to be surprised! Because I wasn't using 90% of the materials at the barista station I cut costs and sped up the efficiency of the station by about four billion percent. At first, people were upset about not getting what they ordered, but I always made sure to explain to them why they actually wanted a skim vanilla latte. I not only convinced customers to drink what I made for them, I convinced them to order it again! Skim vanilla lattes were up two million percent and became the number one most popular item on the menu. And if I can do that with milk and espresso, imagine what I can do with designer jeans!

You owe it to yourself to hire someone as dynamic, revolutionary, and inspired as I am. And you owe it to me to call back for an interview.

I'm looking forward to being the best Sales Manager you've ever hired!

Best Regards,

Zack Eliasz