Director of Social Media for Everything Store

To Whom It May Concern:

You want a modern media whiz to enrich your customer's experience. I want to tell you why I'm the one to develop your social media, true to form, in a tweet:



If those 14o characters weren't enough, allow me to elaborate.

My finger is on the pulse. I know all the right people on twitter, and make sure they know I'm there by tagging them frequently in tweets that have nothing to do with them:



I have extensive networking skills and plan to use them to position your brand ahead of competitors:



I have lots of great innovative ideas and strategies for building global campaigns. Here's how I would use my expertise to make my kitty's website a web phenomenon:

Step 1. kittywantstreats.net uses SEO optimization to show up #1 on Google no matter what you search for.



Step 2. kittywantstreats.net launches interactive features that allow you to send treat donations, view live webcams, and monitor who's tweeting about kitty using her personal promoted hash tag on twitter.



Step 3. Use of seductive advertising on Facebook, and special promotions only available if you "like" kitty on Facebook.



Step 4. Kitty employs a team of unpaid interns to blog about her daily life and send out press releases to major publications.



Step 5. Based on market research, kitty discovers that her target audience is 15-19-year-old girls living in Japan. We respond to this demographic by posting videos of kitty on Youtube doing cute things, narrated by a Japanese pop singer.



Step 6. Kitty's videos and blogs go viral, creating self-perpetuating free marketing. Google buys kittywantstreats.net for 4.2 billion dollars.

As I've demonstrated I have a solid plan for building your brand, broadening your social reach, and making your company tweetable. I'm following you on twitter, are you ready to follow me to a brighter future for your company?

Best Regards,
Zack Eliasz

To Whom It May Concern:

My name is Zack Eliasz and I'd like to tell you why I am the excellent candidate to blog for you.

You're sitting at home with a cup of coffee, or you're at work (I'm jealous), or maybe you're just RSSkimming for something to read on the train— you need someone experienced, trustworthy, and knowledgeable. Well, I'm happy to tell you that I'm none of those things. I am young (jealous?), full of wit, and google words to make sure I'm using them to the best effect. I will not write about things that matter. In fact, I'm going to write about my boyfriend's cat, inane experiences I've had working in administrative jobs, and my profound ability to dress to impress.

I take my work seriously, and you're guaranteed to be at least a little bit interested from time to time. You'll get a chuckle out of my blind ambition to apply for 100k+ jobs to pay off my 100k+ debt. You'll appreciate my ballsy use of irrelevant and sometimes even irreverent anecdotes in hypothetical cover letters for positions I'm not even remotely qualified for.

And it gets better! Being unemployed I'll post somewhat frequently and if you have the pleasure of being connected to me on any social networking site I'll cram every last post down your inbox' throat. And if that isn't enough to whet your appetite or mute me on facebook, I'm going to document the (sometimes desperate) attempts to get the attention of HR managers all over Chicago via video resumes, photographic demonstration of my abilities, and lewd text messages sent to sports journalists.

I eagerly await your readership and look forward to mildly entertaining you.

Best Regards,

Zack Eliasz

putting the ploy back in employment